Empowering tips for Mamas on cultivating a family culture right in your own home contrary to the culture outside your front door. These tips are based around the idea of building your home upon Scripture. They are designed to be foundational and easy to maintain, allowing Mamas a safe place to raise their children in peace without input from the world.
When I first started this blog, my heart was fixated on the humble homemaker. As Mamas, we wear so many hats. But the title of ‘homemaker’ is a glorious and noble title. It is no small feat to be a homemaking mama! Being a homemaker is about more than cleaning schedules and starched sheets. Anyone can clean a home well. But it takes a special person to actually craft an entirely separate family culture within the walls of your home that is contrary to the one just outside your front door. It takes a homemaker to do that.
What is Family Culture?
The Merriam-Webster definition of culture is: the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group.
Family culture is a relatively new term in our western world, though it is an ancient idea. For generations in America, our culture has reflected a Christian worldview, but not anymore. Cultivating a family culture is the process of crafting an entire culture within the walls of your home.
When you see someone from India, you often will know where they are from based on how they dress, present, and conduct themselves. The same is true for many Native American tribes and other cultures across the world. It may be an accent, a headdress, or certain mannerisms, but their native culture is apparent even when they visit another. Generally speaking, you will know their religion, traditions, and general worldview simply by knowing the culture they subscribe to.
The same is true for family culture. Our children should be raised in such a way that when they enter the outside world they are instantly seen as ‘those kinds of Christians’. In our modern culture it will often be seen as a bad thing, but we aren’t here to please our culture. We are here to please our God!
Family Culture is Contrary to Our Own Culture
I think we can all agree that most of the culture outside of our homes is toxic at best. I really hate the word toxic, but it works here. Between the Antifa riots, this new rise in Satanism, and the glorification of everything God deems wrong- our culture is a mess. If we aren’t careful it will sneak in just as easily as the dirt on the bottom of our children’s shoes. As godly women and Mamas to small image bearers- we have some heavy jobs in raising our children to be set apart from the world they were born into.
All moms, past and present, are called to be gatekeepers. But the generations before us didn’t have to worry about what their children may come across on the Internet or a friend’s cell phone. We face an ever-changing culture. The world is at our fingertips, and an entire civilization is fighting for influence over our children. But take courage, we were made for such a time as this.
In our homes, we are building something beautiful. Within our four walls, we are creating a foundation strong enough to weather the world outside. We are homemakers, crafting a family culture within our homes!
6 Tips for Cultivating a Family Culture
1. Lay a Solid Foundation of Absolute Truth
This is our number one job as parents!
We all want our children to love reading and excel in academics, sports, and life in general. But does any of that even matter if they don’t know Jesus? Batting averages and SAT scores will never earn them a spot in Heaven. If our kids don’t know the gospel, the truth about why they were created, and who their Creator is- then we, as godly parents, have failed.
The foundation of our home and of our lives should be built on an absolute, unshakable truth. There is a movement in our culture right now known as deconstruction. The idea is to take the Christian foundation you were built upon and pick at it, little by little, brick by brick- until it completely collapses. The goal is to rid yourself of any absolute truth, so I can have ‘my truth‘ and you can have yours, but they don’t have to match. The goal is to get away from the idea that there is any actual truth.
So many who used to outwardly confess to be die hard Christians are now walking away with smiles on their faces. They view themselves as wiser, greater, and more moral now that they are released from being subject to the word of God.
Mamas, this is a broken world, but there is good news! Christianity is not built off of a manmade world view or moral hierarchy- it is built on an absolute, unshakable truth. This truth is tough enough to handle our children’s big questions. It is strong enough to withstand the critics, the doubters, and the multitude of cultures that have poked and prodded it.
Our job as Mamas is to grasp this truth for ourselves. To dive deep, study, and grow. So that we can build our children up on a foundation so strong that no amount of deconstruction from friends or culture can ever topple it.
2. Pillars of Peace
I think that most of us would define the world outside of our doors as less than peaceful. In fact when peace makes the headlines, it is usually a lie. The last couple of years have been marked by riots, violence, and ‘fiery but mostly peaceful protests’. I don’t want my home described as ‘fiery but mostly peaceful’. I don’t want my children to feel like they are walking on eggshells in their own home.
Regardless of the circumstances or culture outside of our home, the one inside should be peaceful. Our homes are the main places where our children grow up. It is the place where they land, where they play, where they dream, and where we always hope that when they are grown, they will want to come back to and visit often.
It is also our safe place. Home is where our husbands come to rest and recharge after work each day. It is the place where we can be who you really are. It should be of the utmost importance, as a homemaker, to cultivate a culture of peace and security. A place where your children can talk openly with you and be heard. Home should be filled with a different kind of presence- the very presence of God.
Children should be built up within its walls. They should know their place at home long before they find their place in the world. Cultivating a culture of peace within our homes gives our children a place to grow up outside of survival mode. It is a place of boundaries and freedom, peace and security.
For our full blog on crafting a peaceful home, check out What is a Homemaker?
3. One Way Windows
While home should provide a break from the world, it shouldn’t fully shelter us to the outside world. While there are many things I hope to protect my children from, little by little though as they grow, I hope to create a window into the world. Not where they are immersed in a culture that is seeking to indoctrinate them, but rather whether they can look in from afar off and learn to sort fact from fiction. Our homes should allow our children to view the world around them through an inquisitive lens. A lens through which they can question, reason, and understand the outside world before they become a member of it.
We all long to have children who influence the world rather than the world influencing them, but that doesn’t happen by chance. Mamas, I know how difficult this is. We can’t turn on the radio, the TV, or anything without having to stay vigilant because the world is filled with things we don’t want our children exposed to.
So often I see mamas get discouraged and throw in the towel. That is not the answer. These are our children and they deserve the effort, the work, and the prayer that it takes to raise them right. Don’t give in and don’t give up. Create a window into the world and teach them to see with the eyes of godly discernment.
This discernment is essential in introducing our children to the world and the cultures around them. Mama Bear Apologetics calls this the “chew-and-spit method”. It is the process of being able to take in portions of the world thoughtfully and distinguishing what is good from what is bad.
“We don’t need to train our children to be picky when it comes to what they feed their bodies—they do this on their own. But we do have to train them to be discerning about what they feed their minds.”Mama Bear. Apologetics, Chapter 3
4. Guard the Doors
Homes have doors (with locks) for a reason. We, as homemakers, choose who or what comes into our homes and what stays out. If someone brought over an old tattered table, smothered in bed bugs eager to infest our homes, we would bar the door! Why is it any different when it comes to the people, music, or movies that we know will cause an infestation in our homes?
Closing out certain people can be one of the hardest things we ever do. In all honesty, I think our culture can be too trigger happy with this. A different political view or viewing someone as ‘toxic’ is not exactly what I mean. But if someone is speaking negatively to your children or affecting your child’s mood or self esteem, it is probably time to stop letting them speak over your child. If screen time is causing tension, disobedience, or restlessness- it is time to cut it back or cut it out altogether.
I know this is a countercultural statement but mamas it is so true- your children should not have open access to the Internet. The average age that children are exposed to porn is nine. Nine. That is insane! Mamas we should guard the door to our children’s hearts and minds just as devoutly as we guard the door to our homes. When a home is filled with a family culture of uplifting talk, worship music, peaceful parents, and a cheerful mama- your children will reflect that!
5. Furnished with Gold
I am a firm believer in building things that will last. Things that will withstand time and wear and tear. The Bible tells us that our work will be tried by fire. I don’t want to be like the little pig who built his house out of hay or sticks when the test of fire comes. What is built of gold will not only withstand the fire- it will be made better, purer, more valuable.
Our culture outside is really fixated on the moral high ground right now. So much so, that many have deemed themselves more moral than God, Himself. They would never send a flood to destroy the world. They would never tell someone they aren’t who they believe they are. And their favorite line right now is “Jesus would agree with me.”
Oh my friends, I think so many- if they actually read the Bible- would realize the Jesus in its pages is very different than the Jesus in their mind. How do our children see Jesus? They will stand before Him someday and I want them to know Him. Not good morals, or deeds that look good. I want them to know Him and His heart. I want their deeds to be tried by fire and stand.
Do our earthly homes reflect our heavenly one? Our children should learn empathy, compassion, and kindness in our homes long before anyone tries to explain it to them in the world. We should lead by example.
Mamas, let your home be furnished with gold. Let your work be intentional, pure, and wrapped in love. Our work should be a form of worship. And I pray when it is tried by fire, it stands.
6. Filled with Beautiful Things
Filling our homes with beautiful things seems to come as naturally as craving chocolate. We may all have different styles, tastes, and preferences, but we all desire something beautiful. Beautiful homes are about more than just furniture, wall art, vases, or paint colors. The greatest way to craft a family culture in our homes is the same way culture is built outside of them: books, music, art, commentary, and community.
One of the greatest things I have found within our homeschooling is how much literature and simple stories speak to morals, virtues, and even Christianity in general. It shows up in some of the strangest places, but I am always so thrilled to have a book, movie, or song solidify what I am trying to instill in my children.
The things we allow into our homes are just as important as the things we leave out. We cannot craft a culture and a strong foundation on nothing, but Mamas we have so many great resources still available to us. Don’t grow weary in well doing, fill your home, your heart, your head, and your life with beautiful things!
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
I know creating an entire family culture within your home sounds like a big job, but here is the reality: we are cultivating culture whether we want to or not. Think back to your own childhood, the home you grew up in. What was it like? What was the culture of your home? Did it reflect the one outside your front door or was it a safe haven? Are you hoping to re-create it now in your own home? Or do you look back at it as a guide of what not to do?
Mamas, what if we created such a beautiful culture within our homes that in time it began to show up outside of our four walls? The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. We have so much to hope in. All is not lost. Our children could be the generation that rises up and points us back in the right direction. We could change our world from the inside, out.
You are not invisible Mamas. Even though it may seem no one is acknowledging the work you do now, that work is still eternal! And you are seen by the only One who really matters. Cultivate a new family culture, Mama, right in your own home!
Resources to Help You Cultivate a Family Culture in Your Own Home
Mama Bear Apologetics: Empowering Your Kids to Challenge Cultural Lies -Mamas, I cannot recommend this book enough. Mama Bear Apologetics and a Yeti coffee mug should be just as essential as a car seat before you leave the hospital!
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