Good morning Mamas! I’m so glad you came to spend some time with us today! So grab your favorite coffee, or whatever morning beverage you prefer, and let’s talk abortion.
I know, I know, a light topic to start off our Monday. Generally, I don’t like to deal with controversial things as much as possible, but this particular issue is very near and dear to my heart. Of course it is a hot topic right now because of the Supreme Court leak, but I don’t want to talk about it for that reason. (Although that did influence my timing on addressing this.) I’m not going to argue constitutionality, statistics, facts, or opinions. In fact, I don’t want to argue at all. This entire blog and site has a purpose and I ‘aim’ to stick within those boundaries.
So let’s tackle the heart of the issue: the mama heart!
The Heart Behind it All
While I no doubt will have to touch on the subject of children and their wellbeing during this blog, that is not my main focus. My main focus is actually mamas. Why? Because that’s where my heart and my calling for this season of my life lies. I always wanted to be a writer, but I never saw myself writing to moms.
My heart for motherhood comes from being thrown into it unexpectedly. I never thought much about what it meant to be a mom. I never viewed it as noble or a high calling of God prior to having my first baby. It was in this space and lonely phase of life where I found my own mama heart and my heart to encourage and walk alongside other moms.
Motherhood is hard. There is no denying that. The vast majority of abortions occur because of that fact right there. Feeding, caring, nourishing, encouraging, and teaching a baby can feel like an impossible load to a new (and unplanned) mother.
But that’s where we come in. The mamas who have chosen life. The mamas who have walked a path before and can lend a hand to those coming up behind. I am still very much a young mom, but I was confident in choosing life because I have been surrounded with women who have laid the course.
Last Monday I wrote about Working as Unto the Lord and how our mundane tasks and kissing boo-boos is in fact Kingdom work. God wants us encouraged and inspired in this season of life. God’s heart is for us mamas, in every season. So I write this to tackle the mama issues that lead to abortion.
The Conundrum of Choice
There are two sides to this debate, neither of which do I plan to go into too much detail on: Pro-life and Pro-Choice. Most likely, you know which side you fall on. I have met very few people who are undecided.
I am not talking about being “Pro-Choice” here though, I am talking literally about making a choice. The moment when you see two lines and realize your entire life has in fact changed. How do you make a choice like that? How do you resolve to abort a child? To raise one? To place one for adoption?
Mamas, here is the lie we are being fed: You have a choice. Choosing to keep the baby makes you a mother, choosing to abort the baby gives you an opportunity to hit “restart”.
That, my sweet mama friends, is a lie.
A choice has already been made, probably about 2-6 weeks before this moment..
Two lines on a test? You are a mama. There is no going back in time. There is no undoing. I will pull a line from Juno here and say “This ain’t no etch-a-sketch, that is one doodle that can’t be undid.”
To those of you have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or anything in between- You are still a mama! No one can take that title from you!
There is no choice to simply not be a mother at this point. You can choose not to raise your baby or to end the life of your baby, but you are marked “Mama” forever.
That should be a good thing, but someone is getting a lump in their throat right now. Well as always I have good news. Instead of saying “I can’t do this” let me encourage you that you, in fact, can!
I Don’t Have a Village
There has been a post circulating on Facebook recently about being a mama without a village. The premise of it is to say “I don’t have a village and I don’t need one. I’m enough on my own.”
You don’t need anyone? No one to drive you and that pink pudgy baby home from the hospital? No one to babysit so you can work or grab a coffee to collect your thoughts? You don’t need anyone to call when you’ve had a bad day and just need someone to cry to?
Well, you are on the wrong blog, sister. The truth is we do need a village. The reality is we don’t all have one. I’ve been there. I’ve read the comment sections on Facebook where people are being built up by their “village” and shed silent tears because I so desperately desired someone to speak affirmations like that over me.
But I have good news!
If you are a Christian, God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. He is a good, good Father- and He knows what you have need of before you even ask. Plug into a good church, a pregnancy resource center, a women’s Bible study- tell them you need a village! I guarantee you someone-or many- will be happy to help.
If you aren’t a Christian, find a resource center- even if they are Christian, you don’t have to be to get help from them. (Most churches are the same way.)
And my heart for Aiming Arrows is to form just that- a village of mamas (both new and great grandmamas) building up one another!
You don’t have to go it alone. Let us be- or help you find your village!
If I’m a Mom, I Can’t Be a…
You fill in the blank. If I’m a mom, I can’t finish school. I can’t take this job.
Oh, Mamas, I feel this one so deeply. If you don’t already know, my Motherhood journey started with an unplanned pregnancy and I write this as someone who has had to walk this path. I had plans. I had big dreams. It was in the midst of me trying to find my place in the world and trying to plan my next step in life, that I was greeted by two little lines myself.
I thought I was throwing my entire life into the trash can along with that First Response box.. Oh my sweet friends, please let me encourage you right here- your life, your dreams, your plans- they are not over. Detoured- perhaps- but not over.
Both Stevie Nicks and Michelle Williams credit, boldly and proudly, their abortions as the reason they were able to go on and be successful..
Mamas, babies do not hold us back. Do they take time? Yes. Do they need us? Yes. Can they be stressful? Yes!
But they can also be our biggest motivator- the reason we get up and keep going when life knocks us down. Imagine if instead Stevie Nicks thanked her child for being her biggest cheerleader in the front row. Or if Michelle Williams credited adoption and advocated for government funded adoptions in her acceptance speech.
Mamas, pregnancy does not end your life or your dreams. You can still be anything you want to be. But you may find (as I did) that you were called to be more than you were dreaming of.
This is Not the Life I Want
There are multiple reasons that a mama may feel this way. I doubt I can address them all but I will do my best to hit a few big ones while we are here.
I don’t want to build a life with this baby’s father.
This is not easy to answer because every situation is different. But I suppose the best overview would be to simply say: you don’t have to. There is no obligation to marry someone you have a baby with.
In my own situation, I had decided to break up with my boyfriend (now husband) just before finding out I was pregnant. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with him, but rather because I thought that I needed a new start. I wasn’t a Christian back then, but I did pray about what to do. (Thank God for my “Christian heritage” as my Pa would say. I may not have known where I was, but I always knew where to go.) I felt like I was supposed to stay with him. That decision wasn’t easy, the first year wasn’t easy (that’s a whole other story), but it was one of the BEST decisions I have ever made.
But that isn’t the answer for everyone. I am a full believer in handing God the pen and letting Him write your love story. I hope that you will do that, too.
* This is not aimed at those facing abusive partners. In that situation, get somewhere safe and sort out the details later.
I’m Homeless, Hungry, or Severely Struggling
Mamas, this is not your battle to fight alone. This is where the church is called to step in. Whether you are battling addiction, homelessness, or food insecurity- there is help, there is hope! Any crisis pregnancy center should have a list of organizations and resources on hand. They can work with you to get you where you need to be or access to the things you need.
If you cannot find a crisis pregnancy center- call your local churches. Someone should be able to help you. If not, as always, message me. We are happy to help you find what you need!
And veteran mamas, this is such a great place for you to step in. Help out a young mother. Take her under your wing, love and encourage her. We need the Titus 2 women in our lives!
I Simply Can’t Do This
Maybe you aren’t the slime loving, play-doh playing, sticky hand slapping type- me neither. Maybe you aren’t crafty, homely, or a good cook- that is okay. Perhaps you don’t like tacky little jam hands and sweet baby slobber- again that is okay. None of those things make you a mama. And no one is simply born knowing how to be a mom. It is all learned. And you can do it if you want to.
But let’s say you don’t. Genuinely in your heart of hearts, you do not want to be a mama. As I mentioned earlier, you already are, but you can relinquish that duty to someone else. And mama, let me just tell you- that is not something to be ashamed of. The exact opposite actually. Adoption is selfless and beautiful. It is not giving away your child because you don’t want them. It is loving someone so deeply that you wanted to give them the absolute best.
So many people remove this option from the table without ever considering it. This is not placing your child into foster care. Adoption is finding a couple who cannot have a baby of their own or a family looking to grow their little crew. This is choosing a life for your baby that you couldn’t give them. You can have a relationship with them still, or not. It is completely up to you.
This is an option. This is a mama choice. What if rather than ending the life of your child, you selflessly chose a better life for it? Mamas, if you choose adoption, that is a beautiful, beautiful choice. And if no one else tells you, then I want to- I am so proud of you!
The Side of Abortion No One Talks About
For those who are pro-choice, there is a very apparent belief that the choice should belong to the mom. Essentially that is the heart of pro-choice, right? Women get to choose. There are a lot of arguments to be made around that idea, but again I’m not here to do that. My heart here is to encourage Mamas. In the small amount of time I spent around women of unplanned pregnancies, I have seen repeatedly women choosing abortion because they are told they have to.
I’ve seen Mamas of three crying because their husbands said, “I’m not having anymore. If you keep this one, I’m leaving.”
I’ve seen young mamas, still practically babies themselves, saying “My dad says I have to abort or move out. Where am I supposed to go?”
I’ve seen women criticized, demoralized, pushed aside, and mistreated. But no one wants to talk about that side of things.
Abortion is not simply freedom to choose like so many want you to believe.
It is a way out for a man caught in adultery who learns his mistress is pregnant.
Abortion is a birth control method for a sex worker that she has to have in order to keep her job.
It is a way out of a “shameful situation” for a head deacon at church.
Abortion is ending the life of one because something else is more important. Whether that is the mama, the daddy, the grandparents, the reputation, the rumors, the shame or the guilt. Abortion doesn’t solve the problem- it ends a life.
I’ve Been There
I’ve been that mama, shaking as she holds a positive pregnancy test. I have faced the condemnation, the rumors, the tears, the heartbreak, and disappointment. I saw tears and disgusted looks, rather than congratulations. You see I know what it means to think abortion is a way out. But it isn’t. I fully believe if I had made that choice I would be carrying around the guilt of it to this day. (And oh what joy I would have missed out on!) Instead I carry a little boy. He is almost too big for me to pick up now. But I will always carry him in my heart.
He is the sweetest, most thoughtful, selfless, and loving little boy. I can’t imagine where I would be without him.
He changed my whole life. The minute he was born- I knew. I knew God had made him just like He makes a baby that’s been prayed for and waited on for 10 years. I knew God had a plan for him. But what I didn’t know back then was God had a plan for me too.
Six months later, I became a child of God. Seven years later (almost to the day) I am a happily married mama of four. I write this not to condemn you if you are facing an unplanned pregnancy, but rather to give you hope!
Your story isn’t over. It may have taken an unplanned turn, but it isn’t over. In fact, I’ll bet the best is yet to come. Hand God the pen and just see what He can do. He is writing my story, and it is hectic, adventurous, and beautiful. You can trust Him with the pen. (He did write the #1 best selling book in the World after all.)
And To the Mama who Chose Abortion
You are so loved. There is forgiveness and redemption from abortion just as there is anything else. Mamas, we are more than the mistakes we make. That’s a lesson I’m still learning myself, but your story is important and it should be told. You may change someone else’s mind or encourage another mama who is struggling.
Mamas, regardless of how you got here, here we are. Right in the midst of a crazy, beautiful mess. But it is flying by. So soak it in and enjoy those sweet little fingers, chubby hands, and stinky toes. I know for a lot of moms, myself included, abortion is a hot topic. We have seen the other side and we know the beauty of an unplanned life, but remember to speak in kindness to those facing the unknown. Encourage and inspire as best you can- and remember- well loved people, love well.
And to anyone who may be facing an unplanned pregnancy let me just say- CONGRATULATIONS! I feel like I never heard that the first time around, but every life deserves to be celebrated. And congratulations on becoming a mama (or a mama again)- your biggest and best adventure awaits and I hope you’ll take us along on your journey.
(It seems only fitting to close this out in prayer.)
God, I thank you for every person who takes the time to read this. I thank you for allowing me a place to share my heart and I thank you for turning my mistakes into Your blessings. God help us to surrender the pen and allow you to write our stories. And God I pray that you will bless every mama reading this with wisdom, patience, peace, and overwhelming joy. Motherhood is hard and it comes with a daily rollercoaster of emotions, but God you know our hearts and I pray that you will speak peace over our exhausted souls. God I pray for the mamas facing the unknown. I pray they will choose life. Lead us and guide us, help us to become skilled archers- aiming our young arrows to serve You with all their hearts for all their lives.
In the precious name of Jesus we pray, Amen.
(Note: My church was incredible with my unplanned pregnancy. They threw a shower, encouraged me, and loved me crazy well. I didn’t want to leave out credit where credit is definitely due!)
Had an unplanned pregnancy? Leave us a comment to encourage others facing similar situations!